Felicia Day can Write!

Once upon a time, a brilliant redhead broke through the stereotypical barriers of the entertainment industry and became a living legend, both on and off the internet. Embraced by geekdom far and wide, she became a pop icon, adored by millions. Now she's written a book about this amazing journey and it's fantastic. At least my kid tells me it is...

I'm going to do something really, really weird here--I'm going to review a book I haven't read. See, I don't feel like I need to review it, because my daughter read it and won't stop talking about it. And that's a great, and curious thing. 

I'm a nerd. And was once upon a pre-parent time, an avid reader. I rarely read anymore, what with my own writing, Netflix and X-box sucking up what little time I don't spend with my kids. I was crushed when my eldest daughter didn't turn out to be a reader. She is full-on nerd, and does so much else with me. But she just doesn't enjoy immersing herself in a book--not Douglas Adams', nor even her dear old dad's. With one exception: THIS BOOK. 

My teen read Ms. Day's book in a week. Impressive. She dedicated her school project for Advanced English to it. She did a slide show presentation about it. She regaled me with Felicia Day stories all day long, every day, to the point I had to find podcast appearances by Ms. Day so I could fire back with something original. 

As a parent, I can't think you enough Ms. Day. You really captured my kid's attention. Hopefully, she'll embrace books like her younger sister, and I can get her to try Piers Anthony's Xanth series, or maybe Tolkien, or even Roger Zelazny. In my wildest dreams, she'll scoop up the classic pulps by the likes of ERB, Howard, and even Dent. Or she'll stick with nonfiction. Maybe I can get her to check out "If Chins Could Kill" or Ted Nugent's interesting books. 

In any event, job well done. I've added your book to my own reading list, but short of a lottery win and life of luxury, I probably won't get around to it until about 2020. I look forward to it though!

SELF PUBLISHING 101: Where to Start

So you've finally finished that short story, novella or novel you've been working on and you want to get your work out there for all, or some, to see. Where do you go?

In the old days, you could mail a hard copy to an agent or Publisher and wait around for months to see if anyone bothered to read it or it was banished to a slushpile before its ultimate demise in the local landfill. Assuming your work was read, and green-lit for publication, you might get an advance then get to sit back and wait a year to see it appear on a book shelf in a store.

Your alternative to this lengthy process was to sell a kidney and pay an exorbitant amount of money to a vanity publisher who would run off a few dozen copies of your books and mail them to your doorstep. From there, you'd begin a campaign of begging at local bookstores, gifting to friends and family, and selling your prose from the trunk of your car like a drug dealer. Eventually, all those leftover prints would languish in your garage, feeding countless generations of insects and mold spores.

Thankfully, those days are over.

Today, we have Self-publishing, where we, the Authors, get to decide when people see our work. Better yet, as Internet Entrepreneurs, we control everything. Cover, content and marketing. For many aspiring writers, this may sound daunting, but it's really not. Self-publishing is actually very easy to do.

First off, ignore the naysayers. Traditional publishers and authors will often look down their noses at us Indie, self-publishers. They don't want us playing in their market, taking money they could have gotten. Friends and family might roll their eyes, scoffing at your idea to publish or telling you there's no money in writing. Forget all that crap. If you want to publish, you can. YOU are all that stands in the way.

WHERE DO I START?

That's a question I hear a lot. Heck, I even sat on a panel yesterday at Imaginarium, a Louisville, KY writer's conference. "Self-Publishing for Dummies" was an enlightening time for me. I was shocked to see so many folks wanting to publish but not knowing how to do it.

So, where do you start? The absolute best resource on the internet (which I assume you use, since you're reading this blog) is Kboards.com, and specifically, the sub-forum Writer's Cafe. This amazing online community of authors, readers, editors, proofers, cover designers, artists and more have a collective knowledge base that CANNOT be beaten. Ask ANYTHING and you'll get several answers. Please not, have a thick skin, though--some answers can be rough. Like any online community, there are trolls. DON'T FEED THE TROLLS. Read up and learn. You'll be amazed what you can find out, FOR FREE.

You can also listen to podcasts. RockingSelfPublishing.com is a great weekly show from the UK's Simon Whistler. He interviews those who have succeeded at self-publishing. Simon has a very liberal definition of "succeeded", with guests who are just starting out all the way to those making professional sums of money.

Joanna Penn hosts the weekly "The Creative Penn" podcast, another great interview podcast. Joanna really focuses on the behind-the-scenes of self-publishing and is a huge proponent of looking at your writing as a business.

Finally, check out your library. If there isn't a writers group, ask them to start one. Odds are, there are at least a half-dozen other aspiring authors in your community.

WHAT DOES IT COST TO SELF-PUBLISH?

NOTHING. Not a damned thing. Many will tell you that writing is a business and requires investment, blah, blah, blabbity blah. Bullshit. Got a computer, or access to one? A completed story? Internet access? Bam. That's all you need. Yes, spending money will make a better product, thereby increasing your sales, but you don't need money to get started. You can self-publish for nothing, and even earn a few bucks, that you then reinvest to improve your product.

FORGET ABOUT THE MONEY

Writing is not the lottery... well, it is, kind of. But don't think of it that way. There are tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of us self-publishing. The odds of being that one needle in the ebook haystack that scores it big and sells enough money to buy a new house are slim. Don't chase that pony. Write because you want to write. Because you enjoy it. If you get all desperate to make a buck or ten, you will suck the joy out of this possible profession. Instead, think of writing, and self-publishing as a part-time job. When you get better, you might be able to go full time. You might make enough to quit your day job. Or to buy a speedboat and vacation in Monaco. Or you might be like most authors and just have enough to pay the bills and enjoy yourself. As long as writing and self-publishing doesn't cost you anything, or stress you out, it's a win.

A lot of authors, and cover designers, and editors will tell you that you have to invest in your book. That you don't want to put crap out, that it makes us all look bad, etc. etc. I say bullshit. Life insurance salesmen tell you that you need a policy not because they actually care about you, but because it's their job to sell them. Don't listen to an editor or a cover designer who says you need to pay for their services. You might, but don't let them pressure you into buying something you don't want. Or worse, convincing you to wait to self-publish because you can't afford a cover or an editor...

EDIT ON THE CHEAP

That doesn't mean having grandma read it with her trusty red pen in hand. It means go online and find some beta readers. Or join a website like Wattpad, where you can post snippets or whole novels and get feedback. Some online writers groups will have authors who'll edit, quid-prose-quo: you read theirs, they read yours.

You don't need a college degree to write a novel. Sure, it might help, but if you can tell a story, you can learn the mechanics of writing, for free, by talking to others or reading how. NEVER PAY for this information. The people who charge you for it are out to make a buck. Plenty of folks will share information for free.

Once you think you've got some good edits, start bargain shopping. FIVERR.COM is a great website that offers every imaginable service for $5.00. That includes covers, blurbs and more.

COVERS

Keep it Simple, Stupid. That's an engineers expression, but it also works for covers. If you've ever been to a library, you've doubtless seen hardback books. Not all have fabulous artwork. Some have NO artwork. The only really important rules about cover design are:

1. Don't have bad art. Moldy bread isn't appetizing, and neither is bad art. Self-publishing is great, self-publishing something people buy is better. No art is better than bad art. Get opinions for free online before you put that art up.

2. Your cover must be readable. If a reader can't read the title of your book, you might as well have a blurry image or no image.

3. You don't marry your cover, nor is it written in stone. That first cover may be all you can afford, it may not generate many sales, but it's a cover. You can always go back and replace it later. Remember, REINVEST in your work. Start with a simple cover with a single symbol, title and your name. Fiverr.com can give you that. Later, spring for some stock art at places like Fotalia or Shutterstock. Learn to do the art yourself with free programs like GIMP, or (re)invest in some cheap software online, like Corel Paintshop Pro on Amazon--it's less than $50 if you get an older version (just make sure it's compatible with your computer's version of Windows or Mac).

4. Keep it simple. (I know, I'm repeating).

5. Make it relate. Don't false advertise. Make sure you cover has SOMETHING to do with your book contents. If Harry Potter had a magic wand on the cover, it would work. If it had a mechanic's wrench... well, that would be misleading.

GET A PROOF READER

Proofreading is vital because our brains want to see our work the way we want it. We will often gloss over mistakes we've made, oblivious to them. Printing your work and reading it helps. So does reading it aloud, but there's still going to be something to slip through. Even if you paid an editor, something might slip through. Get a Proofer, or a Beta Reader. People will do that for free sometimes, or, again, you can swap proofing with another author-to-be.

REVISE AND RE-PUBLISH

Always improve your work, polishing that turd to shiny perfection. At least for a while. Don't put off your next work to perfect your self-published work, but there's no reason why you can't go back and fix typos, or plot points readers griped about, or put a better cover up. Hell, you can even change the title if you want! It's YOUR book!

GO KINDLE

More than 70% of ebooks are bought on Kindle. Don't sweat iTunes, Kobo, etc. etc. when you're first starting out (and avoid Google, their interface sucks). Kindle has easy, simple instructions online. If you can use a word processor program and pay bills online, you can get your manuscript read and uploaded. It's not that hard. If you can't, shop around for someone who will format it. Maybe even on Fiverr.com, or on KBoards.

What? You want print editions? It'd be cheaper to buy some scrap wood to shove under the leg of that wobbly table. Don't kill yourself trying to put together a print edition until you're ready. It is a lot more complicated. Not impossible-complicated, but significantly harder. Createspace.com (yet another Amazon subsidiary) offers a fairly easy system for making print copies. But before you do that, make sure the eversion will sell. Make sure you have a winning, or at least selling cover. Print copies are an investment of money you could spend on better cover art or editing. Invest those royalties easily.


REMEMBER YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY

Just because Hugh Howey has sold a bazillion copies of Wool, or the guy working the drive thru at McDonalds sold one whole ebook in five years doesn't mean that is your fate. Genre, target audience, and product quality are just some of the factors that make books sell. LUCK is the greatest. Your book is one of millions out there. Even if you win the lottery and produce a Superbowl Half Time ad, what you write may only sell to a few folks. That's perfectly okay. Keep writing. Keep self-publishing. You can do it.

In Memory of Warren Murphy

WARREN MURPHY

(September 13, 1933-September 4, 2015)

It is with great sorrow that I mourn the passing of one of my literary heroes, Warren Murphy. Best known for his co-creation of the incredible "The Destroyer" series, Mr. Murphy has joined his former writing partner, the late Richard Sapir, in that mystery that lies beyond this mortal coil.

A New York Times best selling author, chess grandmaster, and father of many, Mr. Murphy and his co-creation were my inspiration to start writing decades ago. I was fortunate enough to attend a fan birthday celebration in 2014, finally meeting Mr. Murphy in person. 

Like the heroes he wrote about, Warren Murphy was a larger than life character. A friendly man who seemed humble about his accomplishments but who made time for his fans all the same. He leaves behind sons and daughters, some of whom I was fortunate enough to meet. Judging by those children, and by his writing offline as well as between the covers, I have no doubt that Mr. Murphy was a kindred spirit and one our modern world, so in need of role models and heroes, will surely be the worse for without.

I salute Mr. Murphy for his accomplishments and character and am glad to have had the opportunity to have met him. My deepest sympathies and strongest prayers go to those he has left behind, and I look forward to meeting him once more when I too make that eventual trip to Heaven.

God bless, Warren Murphy and his family and friends, and may we all learn to be a little better by following his example. 

Don't Bring a Novel to a Comic Book Convention...

(Every Sunday is Self-Publishing Sunday, where we discuss tips, tricks and failures learned from self-publishing since 2012)

After all is said and done, you've written and self-published your novel, you need to sell it. At least, I assume you do. Some folks self-publish simply so they can say they have. Not I. I self-publish to create a product I can sell for money. Or barter. I'd consider bartering.

It's often not enough to simply self-publish your novel and have it for sale on Amazon, or iTunes, or Nook, or wherever. You're one of millions of novels. A small grain in a sea of endless sand. And, as the days pass after publishing, you get washed out, further and further from the New Release shore. Will readers wade in to find you, or will they stay high and dry on shore happily sifting their eyes through the dry, beachfront literary sand?

Comic book and scifi conventions might seem like a tempting venue to hawk your wares. They are more then plentiful these days. But before you dash off to Createspace and make that print edition, step back and look at things objectively. Don't act in desperation.

First, as with any product, determine who your buyers are. You aren't panhandling. Or at least, you shouldn't be. Waving a cup at passerby hoping they'll buy your book is foolish at best. You need to plan on selling. Kids don't erect Lemonade stands in the dead of winter for a reason. 

Knowing your audience/target demographic is key to not wasting your time. And, if you're like me, time is precious. Sitting in a booth all day, not selling anything is a crime against your craft. Far better to sit at home, actually writing all day, than frittering away your weekend--and spending money you won't recoup.

"But I meet all kinds of cool people at cons!" you might protest. That is true. But you could meet those same people merely by attending. Which is far cheaper, takes less time, and is more interesting than sitting in a booth. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Once you've determined who your novel will sell to, determine where they might be. And where they won't be.

Got a kid's book about Giraffes who can't scratch their nose and need a friend with stubby arms? Odds are you won't find many kids at the latest Horror Convention in town. Yes, some zombie cosplaying parents might be there, but they might want to bring up little Johnny in the same gothic lifestyle they embrace. Itchy Giraffe may not sell. 

From personal experience, I will tell you that people at comic book conventions aren't looking for novels to buy. Unless maybe they're super hero novels. No, comic book conventions are places people go to buy comic book-related items. Like comic books. T-shirts with favorite characters. 

I know, I know. There's a whole cottage industry of crap at every convention. Candles. Soaps. Mugs. But those are RELATED to the focus of the convention. Would I buy a Human Torch candle? Maybe. Would I buy a Punisher coffee mug? Absolutely. But would I buy a novel about two star-crossed lovers embracing passionately on the cover as a field of grain sways behind them. Hell no. I want ass KICKING, not kissing.

What's that? You do sell at comic conventions? Bored wives dragged along by their geek spouses snatch up your literary porn on a regular basis? Little Joannie loves your latest "Rainbow Ponies on Parade" picture book? Well that's just swell. I'm sure all five copies will net you sufficient profit to stop at McDonald's on the way home. And now you have five potential future readers, that might buy the next six books in your series, once you finish writing them a decade from now. Well done. 

However, let's recap your costs to get those possible future sales. Your booth probably ran you anywhere from $100.00 to $300.00 depending on the size of the show. You sat in it for one to three days, instead of writing "Diverse Donkeys in Delaware", the spinoff you've been thinking about starting. Not being at home, you couldn't run to the fridge for meals or call for delivery. And you didn't pack a cooler of food. So now you meals--unless you skipped them, sacrificing for your art--go on the ledger too. And don't forget travel time. Gas. Print costs--you know, those little bookmarks you had made, or spent two weeks laboriously cobbling together at home instead of you know, writing. 

All in all, by the end of the day, that Happy Meal you treated yourself to on the victorious drive home ended up costing you several hundred dollars--if you're lucky. You'd have been better off digging in the couch cushions for change or begging in a street corner. Bum cosplay has been around for decades, you know.

So, keep the kids books at home. And the epic Scifi. And the Murder mysteries and self-helps and thrillers... you get it. Comic book shows aren't the place to sell novels. Nor are Scifi Conventions--even if you have a scifi novel. 

People at conventions aren't looking for new properties. And they aren't going to stand there and read your book for several minutes to see if it's any good. That's the disadvantage we novelists have. People really can't judge our books by the covers. Any other product they can pick up and decide if it looks good in seconds. Particularly comic books that are filled with art. Or mugs. Or jewelry. Heck, they can even sniff the air of defeat and longing in those Bring Back Firefly candles. Novels are just page after page of letters. 

If you want to sell your novels, go where people are looking for novels. Like Book fairs. Or book conventions. Not farmer's markets. Not conventions for Cosplayers. You can still go to conventions. Jingle with fellow authors and fans, promote your work with logowear or a pocketful of business cards. But please, stop spending time and money on booths. It just doesn't pay off. 

Oh, and for the love of God, STOP TRYING TO SELL OTHER AUTHORS YOUR WORKS! Nothing is more defeating than to be pitching your novel to someone to interrupt you and begin talking about their novel. See, they got bored sitting in their booth, not selling anything, so they took a walk to stretch their legs. I know, I said I'd consider bartering, but I meant for good stuff, like collectibles, or chocolate. Not books. I have plenty of books. Stacks of books.

Want to buy one?

STRIKE THREE LAPTOPS, AND YOU'RE OUT

Well, this is depressing...

I've been making my daughter stick with a schedule for podcasting lately... after she convinced me to start a podcast, she saw how hard it was and seemed to lose interest. It's been a struggle the past ten weeks to keep her motivated.

Ten weeks? Yep, ten. We only have seven episodes up though. We've missed three recording sessions now. One because we had to completely re-record. One due to technical difficulties in editing a session, and now, one because our computers crapped out. Yes, computers--plural. 

Being the packrats we are, the Martins have a collection of computers on hand. One desktop in need of a new HDD, one desktop that's about ten years old, running XP, my formerly-trusty Toshiba Satellite laptop running Vista, and the kids each got a brand new Toshiba laptop last summer when I retired from my last job. 

The working desktop isn't so good for recording... it freezes up repeatedly and has very little disk space left. 

The kids' laptops run that idiotic Windows 8 Tablet-wannabe OS, and have a single port for microphone and headphones, like a smart phone. So, we've been recording onto my trusty Satellite, which is about 5 years old. A great, albeit heavy, laptop that I do all my book covers on, format my novels for print editions and of course edit the podcast.

Well, it's time to bury the old Satellite. It's gone the way of the Amiga (although I have two working Amigas boxed up in the basement...). I believe it's a motherboard issue, meaning it's far beyond my paltry repair skills. Add in the kids repeatedly defy my prohibition on "free" gaming sites, clogging their laptops with adware and spam, and there was nary a laptop to be used last night. 

So no episode of Weirdology this week. 

This is doubly-depressing in it was our last episode before I started recording interviews with authors I've met online over the past three years of my own self-publishing endeavors. I was rather looking forward to that. 

Throw in the start of a new school year, a dog with ongoing, expensive medical problems and needing to set the wife up a home office for her work-at-home sessions from her job, and a new laptop gets bumped pretty far down on the old family budget. If only Kindle hadn't hamstrung my book sales with their Unlimited program. Not that I blame readers, I'd choose free over cheap too. 

Time to drown my sorrows in some Xboxxing...  

Weirdology 101, Episode 8

It's time to record another Weirdology101 episode... This week: "By the Numbers", where we'll talk about numbers and how they're all around us, inspiring fiction, folklore and superstitions.

Got a favorite number, number trivia, story or just interesting bit of numerical insight? Give us a comment below.

Podcasting Update: What we've learned so far...

So the eldest daughter really wanted to podcast--she was enjoying a lot of shows on Youtube. Alas, none of her buddies would help.

Meanwhile, dad was balking at the prices for advertising books on podcasts... A perfect podcasting storm.

Almost two months later and we're slowly putting out Weirdology101, our introduction to the strange and mysterious, the supernatural and the paranormal--with the occasional help of my nine year old daughter.

What have we learned in two months?

1. If you record, they will not necessarily come. Your 'cast of dreams is not enough to lure in listeners. Just like with self-publishing, you're one of thousands of free content producers out there. You've got to reach potential listeners. There are a number of sites you can send the equivalent of a pres release to, but even then, there's no guarantee of listeners.

We're going to try guests next. Guests not only provide fascinating, new content, they bring with them listeners. Listeners who will hopefully try other episodes and learn about other guests. It's like hosting a convention.

2. You need a plan. Yes, I could turn my teen loose and let her ramble on incoherently for hours, then break those up into episodes, but it would get pretty dull, fast. I've been listening to a lot of 'casts this year, having never really bothered with them before. The best shows follow a format and have segments. They don't just drone on and on. Just like good writing, you need an outline of what you're going to cover. Print it out and pass it out like a script--it alleviates lots of "uh"s and uncomfortable pauses.

3. You need to be able to hear. I'm amazed by all the 'casts that sound hollow and crappy. Adam Carolla's network of shows generally sound perfect, with studio-quality sound. Then there are independent shows like ours that sound boxy and hollow, like they were recorded in a garbage can with a first-gen smartphone. If you want people to keep reading, you write a good story. If you want people to keep listening, you need to record a better show--and quality of sound is a must. Eliminate echo, hums, background noises and the like, and make sure the volume is high enough to actually hear. Oh, and keep the volume level throughout. No high peaks or low dips. If I crank the volume all the way to hear a quiet person, I'll get a burst ear drum when someone else decides to scream into the microphone.

4. You don't need expensive equipment. I see a lot of articles online about the minimum equipment you need to record. I have to say, I don't think it's all correct. For Weirdology,  we use two Turtle Beach gaming headsets. I mean, they sound great when you're blasting Nazi Zombies in Call of Duty on Xbox Live with your friends, so why wouldn't they work for podcasting? They have a built in pop screen--a small windsock of foam, the boom is adjustable, and they fit snugly over your ears, controlling what you hear.

Next, you need a mixer. Not a DJ BigBucks Superboard, capable of accepting a bazillion different inputs. We got a simple 3 channel mixer on Amazon for under $30. Yes, it's pretty cheesy, but it works. It blends our gaming headsets and an external tablet with sound effects just fine. The output goes right into:

A recording device. Everyone shills Audacity, and I'm sure it's fine, but I've used Goldwave for almost 20 years. I bought the full version, loaded it on a laptop and then sent the output from the mixer right in. I can adjust volume, level out the recording, reduce noise... it does it all. Yes, we may sound a little soft, and recently I had the record volume WAY too high, forcing us to redo an episode, but it's really simple. And, with an editing program, we can chop out when we get tongue tied, wee say "um" too many times or we just don't like a comment or segment we recorded. It's not live, it's recorded, and we take full advantage of that fact.

Studio? We don't need no stinkin' studio. Simon Whistler, over at The Rocking Self Publishing Podcast has a nifty home closet-studio. with blankets hung for noise canceling. We record in the basement. At a desk. The only extraneous sounds we pick up are the occasional barks from the dog, or my wife walking through the living room above us. Again, I think those gaming headsets are totally the way to go...

5. Finally, regularity. It's not just for the bathroom. I've watched our paltry numbers, and both times we've missed putting out a new episode, it's hurt us. People expect regular content. If they don't get it, they might wander to another source and never come back. Keep it regular.


And that's pretty much what we've learned so far. As I force my daughter to finish what she started, making her commit to 6 months of episodes, we'll see what else we learn in this little fun, family experiment. Got any tips or lessons-learned you want to share? Put them in the comments below--we appreciate the knowledge.

PODCASTING!

Of all the many methods of marketing my writing, one I haven't tried is podcasting... Until now.

Now, I've been on podcasts, chatting with some nice folks. But I've heard a lot of people remark that hosting a podcast was a way to get yourself out there. Normally, I'm contented to stay in--it's my books I want out there, not me. But after advertising around the internet, it dawned on me that if I hosted a podcast, I could give myself free advertising. Of course, I'd need to create a podcast people would listen to...

Enter my eldest daughter. At 15, Sam is a typical fangirl, interested in all things internetty. And she wanted to have her own podcast with her friends. When she couldn't recruit any to do that, it got me thinking...

Fast forward several months and this where we're at. A Father-daughter podcast: WEIRDOLOGY101.

Unlike a lot of authors, I won't be babbling on about my books, or writing, etc. etc.. Instead, I'm going back to the beginning: The weird.

There are so many websites today devoted to the strange and unusual. Fervant believers and skeptics verbally duke it out as they debate bigfoot, UFOS, ghosts and many more unusual, unproven subjects.  That's all fine and dandy if you're really into that stuff, but what about the casual reader? What about the person who watches an episode of Supernatural and wonders if the writers created the Wendigo, or if maybe there's some mythology involved.

That's where Sam and I come in. Every week, we're hoping to educate the average listener on the weird. We'll discuss a variety of subjects, maybe interview some folks, give brief news blurbs, and offer up our picks for the Fringe Fiction of the week.

In the meantime, the writing continues, and sponsors this little endeavor. Maybe folks will want to embark on a fictional journey on their ereaders, led by yours truly, or maybe they'll just be content listening to some free content on that daily commute. In either case, this is shaping up to be an interesting adventure and a fun, family project.

Check us out, won't you? Weirdology 101 launches Monday, May 18th, with Episode 1: Paranormal vs Supernatural.

A Social Media Experiment

If you have luck like me, you've had to call in to a corporate "support" division and complain. You know, broken product, interrupted service, etc. etc.

In my many years, I have found that not only does this also lead to dangerous blood pressure levels, it seldom accomplishes anything. And if you weren't convinced the corporations don't give a shit, the fact many of them (AT&T, for example) have installed robot services. Apparently, it's become tooexpensive to emply semi-fluent Hindus to robotically answer complaint calls.

So here's my new experiment after blowing a half hour of my time. I'm going to prove social media shaming works for customer support. I mean, I know it works. I've used Facebook pages many times to get somewhere with uncaring corps.

See, when I call in and try and explain my plight to an uncaring Ghanesh worshipper, I get the run aroudn and no one but me and my cardiologist knows it. But when I owl at the moon online, say, Facebook, everyone knows it. And we can't have that. Oh, no, they have people who respond to these kind of public-image-damagign complaints. Often immediately.

I just need to convince the rest of my fellow interneters that THIS is the way to get customer support. Complain online and make a human take action. being put on idenfinite hold or talking to a robot service that mistakes the sound of creaking wood in the background as your answer just won't do.

Here's how the experiment will work.

Step 1, I post a pissed off comment on AT&T's Facebook page.

Seeing as how the people you talk to in person with Uverse are little asholes, and then when you call in, you get robotic, English-as-second-language liars, I'll try raising as much hell as possible here, until AT&T satisfactorily resolves my issue. What is my issue you ask? Well, at about 1:55 PM Eatserntoday, I noticed my Uverse service was out. I noticed this as I was trying to use the internet as I worked on my latest novel. It worked at about 1PM. Lo and behold, turns out that a Uverse installation tech, four foot tall, mustachioed "Justin" was next door installing new service. I walked over and interrupted his chit chat with the resident and informed him he killed my service. Oh, no, not he. Wise Napolean Bonaprick advised all he did was disconnect one wire, then reconnect a wire to give her service. (Her being my new neighbor he was tryign to flirt with). I told Justin that no, my service was down, wasn't down a half hour before, and he needed to walk over and fix it. Oh, no, he can't do that--not without a service ticket. I triedto see hisnametage but it had no name on it and Justin, if that's his real name gave me his name. Then as I told him I'd just call in, he short-manned and rattled off some number. Oh, he's so clever. 

AT&T, I want "JUSTIN" reprimanded. I dont' pay your ridiculously high prices so some little punk with an attitude, hopped up on viagra and hoping to renact the cable guy porno movie he watched last night can be a smart ass to try and impress some woman. I expect a "Sorry, about that. I'll check it out in just a few minutes, sir." 

I also don't expect tocall in to your robo call center, fight my way through to Ghanesh, then get "we'll write you up a ticket for that." 

Nor do I expect to be told that I can talk to a supervisor than get "forgotten" hold. 

I expect an apology. I expect a reprimand for "Justin". And I expect a free moivie or somethign for the hour I've wasted on this and the near-heart atack it's given me as my blood boils to Ultimate Fighting levels. 


You can expect to keep hearing from me until this is resolved. And your competitiors might expect a call a for new service.

Step 2, I await a satisfactory answer.

(Optional) Step 3, I begin posting daily, until that answer comes along. See, it costs money to respond, or erase posted complaints. Eventually, my squeaky wheel gets answered.

Step 4 (or is that 3) I post the results here, and come up with a clever trending tag, like #ForgetGhanesh or something.

We dont' have to play this game folks. There's a reason why HPSucks.com was a site and why HP took legal action to get it pulled. Customer service is a fairy tale. Public Relations isn't. One makes money, one costs money. To get the service they charge us so much for, we just have to know which one to use.

Because the customer is always right.

Reader Interview: Reader-Teacher Carolyn

Reader interviews are where readers share how and what they read...

Bio: I am a retired American, living in eastern Romania. I moved here in 2009 to be with my spiritually adopted family and I volunteer teach Conversational American English to children and adults. I haed a grown son and 2 grandchildren in America. My educational background is math, science, and anthropology, and I have a Bachelor of Science degree and I did quite a bit of graduate work. I am passionate about the English language and do some scifi and fantasy writing. I have written professionally for website content, and I edit books for publication. My hobbies are Science Fiction anything of course, Mensa, computers, B-Movies (the stinkier the better), 1930s movies, cooking, hard rock music, and I was a trained cellist. I never stop reading and studying, and my current challenge is learning Romanian.

How often do you read? 

I have been reading science fiction steadily for at least 62 years, and I never stop reading – I have been accused of being a compulsive reader. I started with comics when I could only look at the pictures. I recall lying on my bed at age 5, wilting on a hot Houston summer afternoon, devouring Uncle Scrooge, Superman, Plastic Man, Katie Keen, The Flash. I remember vividly my first adult level scifi, checked out of the library when I was 11 years old – “The Wheels of If” by L. Sprague de Camp. I didn't understand a bit of it, but it cracked my mind open to a whole new world, and I was hooked. 

How fast do you read? 

I am a speed reader. I usually have several books going at the same time. I can complete a fairly good-sized novel in a day.

Favorite authors? 

Number one forever is Ray Bradbury, whom I was blessed to meet, and I took that opportunity to tell him how he formed and changed my life. He was genuinely humble and gracious and we had a delightful conversation, which is a very precious memory. All the authors from the Golden Age of scifi are special loves: Asimov, Larry Niven, Michael Moorcock, Robert Sliverberg, Phillip Jose Farmer, Frederick Pohl, Arthur C. Clarke, Heinlein, Frank Herbert, Clifford Simak, Harlan Ellison...I could go on extensively. Robert Forward and Greg Bear are favorite newer authors, for their pure hard scifi. 

What are your preferred genres to read for fun? 

I read about 90% science fiction and of that I prefer true hard scifi. I do read some fantasy around vampires. I love huge stories with the Universe as the setting.

What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading? 

I just don't read non scifi: murder mysteries, political intrigue, politics, court drama, thieves, romance, “literature,” or anything depicting torture and real-life violence.  I was cured of what is termed “literature” in public school by being force fed Dickens, Dostoevsky, Faulkner. Hemingway, you know them...they may be the greats, but they are to me, dull and ponderous. I tried recently to take up Dickens again...all “grown up” as I am now, and I was not able to get past the first chapter of “A Tale of Two Cities.“

What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

Author and the hard scifi genre are where I go first. I will always read a favorite author, and I enjoy re-reading the classics, but I eagerly search for new authors. With Amazon's “Look Inside,” you can get a taste of new writers. I love paperbacks the best, but here in Romania, English language scifi has to be ordered and costs a premium. So I love my Kindle! But I always treasure a big, fat paperback because I know I will have a long time of reading adventure ahead, can scribble in it, and dogear the pages.  I listen to classic scifi audio at Loyal Books on my PC when I am working. 

What's the best book you've ever read?

That's a tough one, because several come to mind. But if I were forced to choose one,  I would say “The Wheels Of If,” not because it's “best,” which is really impossible to judge given the wealth of great novels, but because of the impact it had on the path I chose. 

What's the worst book you've ever read?

“Pet Cemetery” Apologies to Stephen King fans! I admire and bow to his talent and prolific production. But for me, he too often abused his characters, too disturbing after I had come to love them. Children and dogs are sacred and I couldn't abide what happened to those characters

What elements make a good story? 

Big settings populated with credible, rich characters, who have realistic, believable interactions and responses to each other and to events, all set against the huge backdrop of science fiction. 

What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story? 

Unrealistic characterization, gore, and gratuitous sex.

Ever watch movies based on books, or read a book because it's already been made into a movie? 

Yes, I will always give a movie a chance, based on a book I enjoyed, and vice versa. A great example is the novel “Alien,” written after the movie came out, by Allen Dean Foster.

Where do you like to read the most? 

Curled up on the sofa, or late at night, snug in bed. 

If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email them to Troglodad AT gmail DOT com.

Self-Publishing 101: Fame, Fortune or Art?

Disclaimer: I am not a self-publishing expert, but I have been self-publishing since 2012, with over a dozen novels and short stories available in print, digital and audio formats. Self-publishing 101 is my effort to pass along what I've learned for anyone just starting out or considering self-publishing. Questions are welcome, in the comments below or at Trolodad AT Gmail dot com.

Before you embark on the epic journey of putting your work out there on the market, you really need to think about one thing: why?

Why do you want to self-publish? I don't mean why as in "because no publisher would touch it". I mean, what's your ultimate goal? To see your work in print? To have others see it? To become famous? To become rich?

If you just want to see your work in print, try vanity publishing. There are a variety of printers available online that will make you a copy of your work. Vanity publishers will offer you all sorts of services and charge you an arm and a leg. Printers like Snapfish or even Walmart offer simple print runs, without ridiculous add on fees.

If you want people to just see what you've written, save the trees and blog. The internet is the world's #1 source of information sharing. Nothing compares. It's what the damned thing was made for. Wordpress, Blogger and countless others offer anyone with access to computer and an internet connection. 

If you want to be rich... well, it can be done, but I'll talk more about that next time (It takes Money to Publish for Money). If you want to make a little money...

Here's the thing about self-publising: it's a business. Hard work might make you some money, the same as any entrepeneurial adbenture. Or it might fail miserably. 

Imagine you wanted to open a restaurant. Many factors determine whether you'll suceed. Doubtless you've seen many restaurants come and go in your hometown. They don't all make it. Self-publishing is the same, but that doesn't mean you sholdn't try it.

Yes, there's a lot of hard work involved, but you have no idea if you're going to be good or bad at it. If you want to, you should at least try. Thousands of other authors are. Amazon.com has nearly four million works for sale now. Statistics from last year say something like 34% of them are by independant, self-publishers. Some of them are best sellers, some are unheard of, but they all tried, and doing your best is the most important thing in any endeavor.

Next up... It takes Money to Publish for money?

Reader Interview: Rocking Reader/Podcaster Simon

Reader Profiles are where regular folks share their reading habits...


Today's guest reader is Simon Whistler, of the Rocking Self Publishing podcast. Simon also narrates audio books, putting his smooth British voice to work to entertain, inform and earn some cash.

How often do you read? How fast do you read?

Everyday, both fiction and non-fiction. I read fiction right before going to bed, usually falling asleep while reading! Despite reading every day it takes me a while to get through a book as I usually only make it through a few pages each evening. If I am travelling then that consumption goes up as I will read fiction to pass the time on long journeys.

As for non-fiction, I listen to audiobooks when they are available. As I listen to these whenever I get a moment (during lunch, while running etc), I find that I get through them much quicker. Usually at least two non-fiction books a month, and that doesn't include shorter books that I will pick up to learn about a specific subject.


Favorite authors?

Currently working my way through all of Mark Dawson's series (he's prolific, so that's quite a lot of reading) and enjoying them immensely.

For non-fiction, I enjoy Malcolm Gladwell particularly.


What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading?

Science fiction is my go to, although I need to take regular breaks from the genre. I've come across books I haven't got along with, but I haven't yet written off an entire genre :).


What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

I'd prefer a series over an epic tome (although I loved King's 11/22/63 - that book, even at 600 some pages, was not long enough). In terms of format, I'm a Kindle person, I read in bed, so no longer do I have to hold up the heavy side of the book every other page ;).


What's the best book you've ever read?

The first thing that comes to mind is 11/22/63, probably because it just came up, but when I think about it, certainly one of my favourite books in recent times. I also stumbled across a book called The Unincorporated Man a couple of years back (don't remember how), which has stuck in my mind for years (usually the sign of something good).


What's the worst book you've ever read?

I don't remember the worst one, I'm sure it was fast forgotten. I didn't enjoy some of the literature that I was forced to go through and pick apart in secondary (high) school. Ethan Frome was not written for a 14 year old boy to enjoy.


What elements make a good story?

I like a well constructed world. Whether that is an entirely made up one, or good research into a real locale.


What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

"Why would they do that? That's not in character!"


Ever watch movies based on books, or read a book because it's already been made into a movie?

Sure, I'm a big movie fan, so I've read a bunch of books based on movies. The usual suspects I'm sure.


Where do you like to read the most?

"Reading" audiobooks while running.



If you'd like to share your reading preferences, respond below or send an email to Troglodad AT gmail DOT com.  As the volunteers are running thin, our next reader will be monday, February 16th...

Self Publishing 101

Disclaimer: I am not a self-publishing expert, but I have been self-publishing since 2012, with over a dozen novels and short stories available in print, digital and audio formats. Self-publishing 101 is my effort to pass along what I've learned for anyone just starting out or considering self-publishing. Questions are welcome, in the comments below or at Trolodad AT Gmail dot com.

Any discussion of self-publishing should start with a definition of what it is. The problem though, is that many people have different ideas and definitions. So the easiest thing to do is to say what self-publishing isn't. And to do that, you have to first look at traditional publishing—that is, the more common, familiar form of publishing.

For the past hundred years, printing books, publishing, has been done by companies and corporations. They didn't do this to spread knowledge like in the arly days of the printing press, but to make money.

That's right, publishing is all about the buck. Or pound, euro, etc.

Books are a product, to be bought by a consumer. Getting a book into a store is an expensive endeavor, employing many people. It costs money, so money is expected back in return.

In the old days, the days before self-publishing, if you wanted to see your work in print you had to go through the gauntlet of traditional publishing... or pay hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars to a vanity publisher who would make a run of books for you to do with as you chose—beit selling them at fleamarkets or stacking them up in your garage or basement.

With your finished manuscript in hand, the first step (if you chose not to vanity) was often to send a copy to an agent, hoping they would take it to a publisher they knew. Some publishers might allow you to bypass an agent and submit direct. In either case, your manuscript often ended up in a slushpile, resting atop, under or aside dozens, maybe hundreds of others. It was a literary lottery, where winning meant getting it read by someone who thought it could be sold.

Once you got on the track to being published (printed at someone else's expense), there came contracts, editors, proofers, cover designers, agents and much more. Traditional publishing is a village, raising your young novel from obscurity to a spot on a store shelf. Few made the cut. 

There's no slush pile with self-publishing. There's no company or agent. Just you, the author, putti  your work out there. Instead of a slim picking of agent- and editor-approved books, readers now have a choice of millions of works to choose from, often sold on virtual bookshelves online.

That's not to say self-publishing doesn't employ people other than authors. There are editors in self-publishing, if you choose to use them. There are also book doctors, editors who considerably rewrite your manuscript, making it something worthwhile if you couldn't. There are cover designers, proofreaders, publicists... a whole cottage industry supporting authors as they publish on their own.

In a nutshell, self-publishing is where one person takes on the role of a publishing conpany, hiring whoever they need to get their work out. This lets anyone be a self-publisher, but it also means the well-honed machine of publishing is bypassed. I like to think of this as the same difference between craftsman and mass production. 

Writing is just the tip of the iceberg in self-publishing. If you think it's hard, you might not want to take on all the other jobs involved in getting your work out there. Of course, finding a traditional publisher, be it a huge corporation or a mom and pop indie publisher, might be daunting. 

If you want to give it a try though, there's still a lot of work ahead of you.

Next time: Why Self-publish? Fame, fortune or art?

Reader Interview: Reader-Dean Deckard

Reader Profiles is where I'll speak to people about their reading habits. Face it, most authors seem only interested in speaking about writing. That's leaving out a huge portion of the publishing industry...

 

Bio: "Married to the love of my life. Two cats and a dog. Nearing retirement. Currently an associate dean and department chair in a large academic medical center in the southeast. I enjoy reading and doing things with my wife. About 14 years ago my wife bought me a homebrew kit for my birthday and since then I have become an avid homebrewer. I really enjoy brewing my own beer and I am a member of the local homebrew club here in town."

   

How often do you read? How fast do you read?

I try to read at least an hour every day. Sometimes I don’t get that much time to read but most days I find the time.

I’m not a very fast reader---by choice. I could read faster and, depending on what I am reading, I can read faster than my “normal” reading pace. I find that when I read fast, I don’t enjoy it as much and reading becomes almost a chore.

   

Favorite authors?

Dickens, Mark Twain, Jack London, Steinbeck. Recent authors are C.J. Sansom, Paul Theroux and Ron Rash. Philip K. Dick took me a while to get into. Once I did, I quite enjoyed his bizarre writings and imagination.

   

What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading?

Mysteries and thrillers mainly. Lately I have been reading lots of nonfiction, especially biographies.

   

What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

Primarily, eBooks but the occasional print when the eBook isn’t available.

Many times the choice depends on the mood I am in at the time I start a book. Currently, I am planning a trip to Belgium so I am reading All Quiet on the Western Front and a short book on the history of WW1 to help prepare for the trip.

Recommendations from friends and other readers I trust.

   

What's the best book you've ever read?

Call of the Wild. No, wait—A Tale of Two Cities. Maybe The Sand Pebbles. Definitely was East of Eden.

Just one!

   

What's the worst book you've ever read?

The Da Vinci Code. ‘Nuff said!

   

What elements make a good story?

For fiction, good, believable characters and plot development. If you can’t believe it, tough to get into. Of course, for some things, like fantasy, belief might have to be suspended.

   

What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

Characters doing something totally out of character or unbelievable.

   

Ever watch movies based on books, or read a book because it's already been made into a movie?

I do watch movies based on books and, honestly, most of the time I am disappointed. I tend to enjoy the book more often than the movies.

I have a few times read the book after seeing a movie. The Godfather was one. And Jaws. Both these were when I was in high school and since then I have always read the book first.

   

Where do you like to read the most?

I have a small bedroom in my house that has been converted into my reading room. I have a radio/CD player, chair, gooseneck lamp, and two walls with built in bookshelves. It’s a place I can get away while my wife watches television.

 

 

If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email Troglodad AT Gmail DOT COM for a set of questions or make your own based on what you see above. 

Reader Interview: House husband/Average Guy Mike

Reader interviews are where everyday readers share their likes and dislies and reading preferences...



Mike's Bio: "I am a 50-year-old house-husband/father who enjoys reading and occasionally dabbles ineffectually at writing. I have a BA and an MA in English literature and an MS in English Language Arts. I read fantasy fiction mostly, and when I get tired of that I go back to the English canon or read contemporary literature. I listen to audiobooks of non-fiction occasionally, and I also read books about writing. I live in Vermont currently. I have worked in business management (I also have an MBA, like most people do), web design program coordination, specialty beer retail (fun!), and music retail in a corporate capacity. I read every day, write occasionally, and love the New England Patriots. I am also a beer nerd/snob/enthusiast."



How often do you read? How fast do you read?

I read at least every night for an hour or so before bed. I also try to get some reading done during the day, and I frequently listen to audiobooks in the car.

I read fiction at about average speed, approximately 300 words per minute. I read non-fiction slightly faster if it is not technical. I took Evelyn Wood Reading Dynamics as a teenager, so I am capable of reading faster, but I like to subvocalize fiction to enjoy the narrative voice and the dialogue. It’s all about the enjoyment, entertainment, and wow factor for me.


Favorite authors?

My all-time favorite by a mile is Gene Wolfe. His Solar Cycle just blows my frigging mind. I have read it several times, twelve books from beginning to end. Specifically, the first subseries, The Book of the New Sun is my favorite book/series. Wolfe’s writing is nonpareil and his imagination is astounding. But it is his feel for complex human emotions and deep introspection that really pulled me in, that and his writing and use of language, which makes it so personal and yet so profoundly universal. Anyhow, I think he’s the greatest, as you can tell.

I have some other fantasy favorites these days, including Mark Lawrence, Joe Abercrombie, and Jeff Vandermeer (his Shriek: An Afterword is an incredible literary work). Some other books I loved recently whose authors I hope will become favorites are Vicious by V.E. Schwab, A Stranger in Olondria by Sofia Samatar, The Drowning Girl by Caitlin R. Kiernan (I also loved her The Red Tree), Low Town by Daniel Polansky, and How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe by Charles Yu. Some other older faves include Jack Vance, Barry Hughart, Douglas Adams, David Gemmell, Jeffrey Ford (The Portrait of Mrs. Charbuque is absolute frigging genius as is Physiognomy and most of The Fantasy Writers Assistant), and Brian Francis Slattery.

I also have some favorite classic literature writers like Hemingway, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Saul Bellow, Cormac McCarthy, and some favorite books, including White Noise by Don DeLillo, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, Molloy by Samuel Beckett, Slaughterhouse-Five by Vonnegut, Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie, To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf, If On a Winter’s Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino, The Butcher Boy by Patrick McCabe, We, the Drowned by Carsten Jensen, and, well, I could go on and on. Like most people on goodreads, I really really like a good story well told.


What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading?

I like fantasy the best. I am an escapist at heart. But I don’t usually pick the post-Tolkien-elves-and-dwarves stuff or the seventeen volume never-ending doorstoppers with two hundred point of view characters. And it has to be well written, which to me means purposeful language without purple prose. Secondarily, I like what is loosely called literature or literary fiction. And I also read some sci-fi. I will read anything that has literary quality like Cormac McCarthy westerns, James P. Blaylock steampunk, and Thomas Ligotti horror. I haven’t read much mystery or suspense thriller, mostly because I am afraid they will not provide the escapism that I am usually subconsciously looking for, but I am not against them.


What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

For fun I read novels almost exclusively, though I have read some short story collections. For a long time I read almost exclusively first-person because I like that intimacy. Then I moved on a little to intimate single voice third-person. (Did I mention I really like Henry James?) Now, reading Joe Abercrombie’s First Law trilogy, I see that good writing can bring intimacy and variety to multiple third-person POVs. So I hope to reopen myself to everything. I am also a fan of parallel narrations and metafiction.

I read a lot of reviews on amazon and goodreads, and I am especially interested in editorial reviews from publications I trust like Kirkus, Publisher’s Weekly, Washington Post (actually covers genre fiction occasionally), Library Journal, etc.


What's the best book you've ever read?

Like I said before, Gene Wolfe’s The Book of the New Sun. Some people have the Bible. I have The Book of the New Sun. It is that important to me.
“Perhaps I have contrived for someone The Book of Gold.” – Severian the Torturer, from Gene Wolfe’s The Book of the New Sun, Volume 4: The Citadel of the Autarch


What's the worst book you've ever read?

Hmm…ever is a long time. And I absolutely won’t finish a book if I don’t like it. I will put it aside even if I am two-thirds of the way through it. One that I recently gave up on was The Name of the Wind. (Go ahead, hate me!) It probably wasn’t the worst book ever, but I am strongly averse to that fantasy novel structure that throws the main character into the most intense conflict of his life in the first chapter and then proceeds to backtrack and use the next forty-two chapters to tell us everything that happened to the character since the day his mother died and he became an orphan and every frigging thing he has had for breakfast for the next twenty years. Get on with the story! Keep the backstory in the backstory! Abercrombie does this perfectly. Some of his characters are archetypal fantasy characters – the bastard king, the grizzled old warrior, etc – but their backstories are neatly folded into the actual main plot/story/conflict. Don’t give me one chapter of story and forty-two of backstory before finally getting back to the main plot three-fourths of the way through the book! Backstory is boring! And the backstory in The Name of the Wind is especially bad because it is in first-person, so it is like the main character is boasting through dozens of chapters: I outwitted this bad guy here when I was six; I beat up this bad guy here when I was nine; I was smarter than my teachers when I was eleven, etc, etc, etc! Okay, end of rant.


What elements make a good story?

High stakes conflict that cannot be avoided, complex characters, emotional intensity, vivid (and strange) setting, good pacing, purposeful language that suits the narrator and the story. I never make it through stories that seem like they have been extensively plotted beforehand. If I feel the characters are just pieces being moved on a plot diagram, I’m outta here.


What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

Well, see my rant about fantasy structure and backstory for number one. Also, purple prose, sentences that I have to reread because they are so awkwardly written, too many points of view, stories in which everyone is beautiful, extremely intricate “magic systems” that seem to have been contrived to write a story around, zombies (most of the time), a child’s point of view, children in general except when they are like Crummock I-Phail’s kids in the First Law, invincible heroes, “Mother Teresa” heroes (like Vaelin Al Sorna in Blood Song, which I am trying to slog through – see also, fantasy structure and backstory -- having already paid my $7.95 to audible.com), and probably some other stuff.


Ever watch movies based on books, or read a book because it's already been made into a movie?

Not particularly, except for the Lord of the Rings movies of course, which I thought were pretty much excellent. I don’t see movies much, but if they made more movies from great books (Elric, First Law, Bridge of Birds), I would definitely see them. I hope they don’t make a movie of The Book of the New Sun. Some things are too sacred. (Sorry, Mr. Wolfe.) I saw The Hitchhiker’s Guide movie, which is based on one of my favorite books, and we all know how bad Disney fucked that up.


Where do you like to read the most?

Mostly I read in bed with my dog snoring next to me. I have particularly uncomfortable furniture in my house, not exactly sure why. Probably because I move a lot and don't like lugging stuff, so I never actually buy any furniture.


If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email Troglodad AT Gmail DOT COM for a set of questions or make your own based on what you see above.

Reader Interview: Manga fan AB McFarland

Reader Interviews are where we get to hear from everyday readers, sharing their likes and dislikes and general reading preferences...



A BMcFarland is a Goodreads reader and Manga/Anime fan who also happens to hold a Master's degree in Technical Communication! She also maintaibs her own blog, Coiled to Spring.


How often do you read? How fast do you read?

I read every day, probably 10-50 pages per day. The speed of my reading depends on the difficulty of the text. If I’m reading manga, I can usually read about 200 pages a day and that takes about an hour. If I’m reading philosophical texts, sutra commentaries, or quantum physics material, that’s much slower going.



Favorite authors?

For manga, I’d say Jun Mochizuki (Pandora Hearts) and Ryukishi07 (Higurashi When They Cry). For fiction: Hermann Hesse, Jorge Luis Borges, Günter Grass. I’ve also been enjoying the poetry of Mary Oliver lately.



What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading?

I prefer manga for fun reading, especially those stories which feature gender-bending characters or lots of mindf*ckery. For general fiction, I tend to lean toward magical realism. There’s something compelling to me about taking our mundane, every day world and twisting it in some way that wouldn’t normally seem possible.

I also end up reading a lot of books to my nine year-old daughter, and some of them are wonderful. I especially like Maile Meloy’s books for young people: “The Apothecary” and “The Apprentices.” The pacing in these books is just perfect.

I avoid reading almost anything with raised metallic lettering on the front.


What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

I tend to weigh the time commitment with how much I feel I “need” to read the book(s) in question. As a result, I end up reading whatever feels “important” at that time in my life. So at the moment, I’m reading a lot of Buddhist texts because I recently took refuge as a Buddhist last year, so it feels important to learn as much as I can. I prefer print because it is easier on my eyes and like to see how much farther I have to go in the text.



What's the best book you've ever read?

The Tin Drum by Günter Grass. I enjoyed this because it was full of wacky ideas and characters, and written in various styles, but still managed to convey a deeper message of what it was like to live in Hitler’s Germany.

My favorite manga so far is Pandora Hearts.


What's the worst book you've ever read?

Moby Dick by Herman Melville. This almost isn’t fair of me to say, because I know it’s considered a classic, and I read it when I was twelve so the deeper meanings eluded me. It was a slow, boring slog, even with skipping the 100+ pages on the details of whaling.


What elements make a good story?

There needs to be a certain element of tension, or at least, you need to have a lot of “story questions” in your mind as you are reading it. That’s what makes you want to keep going, to find out what happens. It’s one of the reasons I think the Harry Potter series did so well. J.K. Rowling is a master of planting story questions. Another book that I thought was a really good, simple story is “Pie” by Sarah Weeks. It’s meant for middle readers but it was so compelling that after I tucked my daughter into bed after reading part of it to her, I stayed up that night to finish it, because I couldn’t wait to find out what happened.


What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

I’m more of a cringer than a groaner or eye-roller, but poorly written sex scenes get me every time.


Ever watch movies based on books, or read a book because it's already been made into a movie?

I did that with Lord of the Rings: watched the movies first and then read the books. I thought the movies changed the books in a good way, in order to make them better movies, even though the changes were not true to the books.

There are several books I really hope get made into movies:
“The Familiars” by Adam Jay Epstein and Andrew Jacobson
“The Apothecary” by Maile Meloy
“A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole


Where do you like to read the most?
In “The Chair”…a recliner chair in my living room, covered with a blanket and a warm feline. I also read a little in bed, and I read magazines in the bathtub.



If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email Troglodad AT Gmail DOT COM for a set of questions or make your own based on what you see above.

Reader Interview: Book Blogger/Reviewer Lanie

Reader Profiles is where I'll speak to people about their reading habits. Face it, most authors seem only interested in speaking about writing. That's leaving out a huge portion of the publishing industry...



Lanie is a twenty something year old gal that hails from one of the original thirteen states. She loves all types of animals, cept for those that slither. She's raised and worked with handicapped dogs for most of her life—her parents were all about bringing home pups they found that needed loved. She's obviously a reader, which is why she recently created a blog all bout books. She loves having a blog because she gets to use her witty sense of humor, glittery pictures and dragons (yes, dragons!) to create reviews.


How often do you read? How fast do you read?

I normally read at least every other day, I like to take a break in between books so I can rest my eyes. I hate getting that tired eye feeling, totally detracts from the next book. I can usually knock out a book within a few hours if I like it, but if I dont that sucker will be sitting around for awhile.


Favorite authors?
My absolute favorite all time author is Karen Chance. I also really like Lili St. Crown, Savannah Morgan, Pippa DaCosta, G.A. Aiken, and Jaye Wells.


What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading?

I always love to read Paranormal romances. Yes, I need that crazy monster thrown in to make a romance worth reading, haha. I also enjoy reading Urban Fantasy, and fantasy in general. I hate reading biographies for the most part, but that probably stems from school :). I will not read the horror genre or those that are simply mysteries—I always know what's going to happen next.


What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

Hmm, the biggest influence when it comes to what I'm reading is probably reviews. If I see a book with way too many positive reviews I usually steer clear of it, but at the same time if you've got a ton of bad reviews, I must know why. Crazy right? I have vision issues so I always tend to go for ebooks now, it's so much easier for me to read on my kindle than a hard copy. Serials are a big thing now, but honestly, if I see one I run for the hills. I don't like being strung along with snip its, I need the entire story at once.


What's the best book you've ever read?

About A Dragon by G.A. Aiken, hands down. The crazy females and humor matched with dragons totally works for me.


What's the worst book you've ever read?

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. I've had more fun watching paint dry than reading that book.


What elements make a good story?

I think this actually varies from story to story, if not genre to genre. In some books, I need a really good mystery with a strong plot to keep me hooked. In other books, I'm just looking for some humor and action. The most important thing though is to always have a solid main character that's likable or at least funny. If your MC is iffy, your story is gonna fail no matter how great it is.


What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

I totally roll my eyes when the good girl falls for the bad guy an they end up living happily ever after. This is so over done and most of the time it's not done well. The other thing is when there's so much description in a story that you forget what your actually reading about that's a groan, huff and skip page moment.


Ever watch movies based on books, or read a book because it's already been made into a movie?

I've watched tons of movies based on book and books based on movies an it's always an interesting experience.


Where do you like to read the most?

I like reading in the car, it's a great way to tune people out.





If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email Troglodad AT Gmail DOT COM for a set of questions or make your based on what you see above.

Come back soon for another interesting reader interview.

Reader Interview: Proofreader Donna Courtois

Reader Profiles is where I'll speak to people about their reading habits. Face it, most authors seem only interested in speaking about writing. That's leaving out a huge portion of the publishing industry...

Donna Courtois is a long-time fan of The Destroyer series by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir. In 2006, she had a story based in the series' universe published in a fan anthology entitled "New Blood". Donna went on to co-author a Destroyer adventure, Number Two,  and today helps proofread works by authors.


When did you start proofreading? Why?
Formally? Not counting finding typos in published books? Gerald Welch had written what would become the first book in his Last Witness series and sent it off to Warren Murphy for a critique. Warren gave his honest opinion (it sucks). But Jerry took Warren's further advice that amateurs quit, but writers keep writing until they improve enough to be worthy of the title. We had been in touch through Destroyerclub, a website Jerry had started back about twelve years ago. He asked if I'd like to read it and tell him what I thought. I asked if he wanted me to proof and edit and Jerry said he'd appreciate anything I wanted to do.

So that's how we got started. I have edited/proofed the first four Last Witness books, plus the prelude.

Then Jim Mullaney decided to take advantage of Amazon's author program to start self publishing his own two series: Crag Banyon Mysteries and The Red Menace. He knew me from Destroyerclub, and I had been taking care of his author site and forum as well. He knew I liked proofreading, so he asked if I would look over his books before they went out. So far I've proofed six Banyons and five Red Menaces. Jim is currently writing his seventh Banyon, Shoot the Moon. I'm looking forward to reading it. That's one of the perks, early access to a good book.


What is proofreading?

Proofreading is checking through a manuscript for typos, misspelled words, missing or extra words, duplicate words/sentences. Also grammar and punctuation mistakes.

It differs from editing, which incorporates some proofing, but focuses on larger issues such as the structure and clarity of the work within each paragraph and also overall. And style issues, such as how it flows. Checking for redundant or unnecessary words; also synonyms that don't quite convey what the writer means.

While I consider what I do proofreading, some editing bleeds over into the job, depending on the writer. Jim Mullaney doesn't need editing, though he wants me to mention if anything isn't clear


What are your qualifications or training for proofreading?

Mostly self taught. I was an English major in college, which trained me to analyze works for depth, clarity and meaning.


What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read, or dislike reading?

I prefer mysteries, historical or humorous are favorites. Jim's Crag Banyon, Lindsay Davis' mysteries set in first century Rome. The Destroyer of course. I like to reread those. Non fiction -- history and biography mainly.  Urban fantasy -- Jim Butcher's Dresden Files. Donald Westlake's Dortmunder books; P.G. Wodehouse; Sherlock Holmes; Preston & Child's Pendergast books; Odd Thomas.

There isn't any genre I won't at least try.


What influences your choice of book to read for fun?

If it intrigues or interests me when I read the back cover and first few pages (in bookstores) or use the "look inside the book" feature on Amazon. I know what I like and can sense a new friend very quickly and I'm seldom wrong.


How fast do you read? How fast do you proofread?

I read at just the right speed, which is slower than I could read if I had to rush. I believe in savoring a book, for words and story. Sometimes I stop to read passages out loud so I can enjoy the feel of the words in my mouth, the sounds of them in my ear. Even if the story is exciting, I'd rather draw out the suspense than rush it.

I try to proofread everything at least twice, preferably three times. The first time I read for fun, for enjoyment, though I also catch some typos, missed words, etc. Then I go back for a second, more intense and slower read. I try to focus on one sentence at a time so I don't start to get lost in the story. And I catch further problems. If there was something confusing me, I can tell if it was something I missed or if there is a piece of info that the author didn't include. Then a third read through, even though by then it's usually only one or two issues.


What's the best book you've ever read?

I couldn't choose amongst my favorites. My first favorite book was A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle.


What's the worst book you've ever read?

I can tell pretty quickly if I'm hooked. Any book I continue past the first chapter isn't going to be something I dislike or is boring.


What elements make a good story?

Interesting characters who step out of the page and take on a life of their own. Good plots that make me want to continue reading.


What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

The opposite: flat characters, plots that go nowhere. Mystery stories where  the whodunnit and the why dunnit is obvious fairly early.




If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email Troglodad AT Gmail DOT COM for a set of questions or make your based on what you see above.

Come back soon for an interview with Book Blogger/Reviewer Lanie of http://laniesbookthoughts.blogspot.com/

Reader Profile: Publisher & Editor Devin Murphy

Reader Profiles is where I'll speak to people about their reading habits. Face it, most authors seem only interested in speaking about writing. That's leaving out a huge portion of the publishing industry...




Devin Murphy is the son of New York Times bestselling authors Warren Murphy and Molly Cochran. Devin runs Destroyer Books, which primarily handles the legendary “Destroyer” series created by his father and the late Richard Sapir, which now contains over 150 novels. For more information about the company and their other titles, visit www.destroyerbooks.com.


How many books a year do you publish? Do you consider yourself a small publisher? Medium? Indie? What do you think that means?

We publish a relatively small number of new works — primarily the Legacy series, but we fully expect that number to go up over the next few years. It’s important to have a good foundation if you’re going to build a house, and the same is true here: we had to make sure that the business was capable of ‘handling’ new works before we started producing them. I’ve seen a lot of small publishers fold because they overextended themselves too early. I want to keep that from happening to us.



So what defines a “small publisher”? 

Other than an obvious definition (“a publisher that publishes a small number of new books per year”), I think one key defining quality might be the number of employees dedicated to specific tasks. In other words, if you have an editor, an accountant, a social media liason, a graphic designer, etc., then you’re probably mid-sized or bigger. In a “small” business, there’s often one “chief everything officer,” so to speak, who handles the day-to-day work in a variety of different fields. That’s me. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, though, because it forces you to be very focused on every element of a book, from the content (editorial work) to publicity (marketing/social media). That, in turn, makes you really invested in the success of all of your titles, which is something that “big” publishers are known to neglect. I’ve read all the books we’ve published at least twenty times, and also know how much they earn, how effective (or ineffective) our ad campaigns are, and what our plans are for the next book (or series of books). A lot of people in the publishing industry can’t say that, because they’re small cogs in a big machine, rather than being the machine itself. 



What are the differences between your company and a Big Five publisher?

This is such a big question that it’s hard to answer, but I think there are two main differences. First, we actually care immensely about each and every book we release. I’m not saying that the big publishers don’t care about their work, because they certainly do. But there’s a big difference between an assembly-line production model, which you can see in the big 5, and each book being carefully nurtured from beginning to end.

Also, because we’re smaller and don’t have the overhead of big publishing companies (offices in Manhattan, warehouse space for books, etc.), we’re able to be a lot more competitive (some would say “nicer”) than the big 5 in terms of what we offer authors. The traditional model of paying authors — large advance that never earns out, small royalties (if any are ever made) — just doesn’t make sense any more, for a lot of reasons. I think a new business model is better for authors and less risky for publishers — a smaller advance, with a much higher royalty rate.



Do you have any special education, training, etc. to be a publisher?

I read and learn constantly. Just because setting up a publishing account at Amazon is free doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I think it is colossally arrogant to assume that anyone can be a publisher, and it’s the mistake that many self-published authors make. Think of it like running: just because you can physically run does not mean that you’re going to be an Olympic marathon runner without a lot of training, knowledge, and dedication.



What do you do as a publisher?

“What don’t I do?” is perhaps a better question — because I do everything, from writing contracts to editing manuscripts to helping with graphic design. An author writes a draft (don’t call it a “book” yet because it’s not). I edit and offer suggestions and changes and the author sends me another draft. That’s the author’s job. Anything and everything involved with getting that book from Microsoft Word to being on someone’s bookshelf is up to me. 



What are your preferred genres to read for fun? What genres will you NOT read? Which genres do you dislike reading?

When I’m not reading informational books, I like to read classics, mostly because if something is considered “great literature,” I want to know why. Usually “classics” are classic for a reason, and it’s a mistake to ignore them.



What influences your choice of book to read for fun? 

Accessibility and price, honestly, are some of the main reasons I read what I do, even if that seems like a cop-out of an answer. Like most readers, I see a lot of books I’d like to read, but I have to balk when I see a retail price of $30+ for a hardcover or $15 for an ebook. That being said, I’m willing to pay any price if it’s an author I really like. When Gillian Flynn writes a new book, I’ll be buying that the day it comes out, regardless of price. Same with Lawrence Block. I can’t imagine I’m alone in feeling this way, though, so I use a combination of my personal tastes and market research to help decide pricing for new books. 

I know a lot of people love audiobooks, but I have no patience for them — I read too quickly. Why spend 12 hours listening to something when I could read it in 2 hours? Plus, I don’t like listening to things (music, TV, audiobook) when I’m working. I think I’d like audiobooks if I had to spend a lot of time driving, but I don’t.



How fast do you read?

When I’m editing a manuscript, I read very, very slowly. When I’m reading for fun, I read extremely quickly. A lot depends on how dense a book is, but for a fun read, I can usually read at least a page or two pages per minute. 



What's the best book you've ever read?

“Best” in what sense? As a high watermark of literature with a capital “L”? Ulysses (James Joyce), without question. Best book I’ve read in the past year? Gone Girl was gripping, and I don’t know a single writer who could read that book without learning something about crafting characters and plot. A Visit From the Goon Squad (Jennifer Egan) was one of the most audaciously brilliant books I’ve read in a long time, too. It won (and deserved) the Pulitzer Prize — extremely “deep” without being leaden or boring. 



What's the worst book you've ever read?

Fifty Shades of Grey. I’m glad that it made erotica mainstream again — the whole field has been dormant for decades now — but reading it was about as exciting as hammering nails into my eyeballs.



What elements make a good story?

Characters you care about, a plot without tons of holes and unresolved questions, and an element of universality — if you can’t relate in any way to what you’re reading (to the characters, to the plot, to the ideas), then the book isn’t going to resonate with you, and it’s not going to be a successful books. 



What makes you roll your eyes or groan in a story?

Flowery descriptions that are meant to sound “smart” or “writer-ly” that do not advance the story really bug me. This is particularly true of new writers, who desperately want everyone to know how smart they are. I guess if I had to give this sort of writing a label, I’d call it pretentious writing. I also find clichés to be irritating. Though they can occasionally be used well, writers often use clichés because they can’t think of a better description — except that’s what being a writer is all about! Writers out there: when you go back and revise your manuscript (which I hope everyone does), take out the clichés and replace them with words that actually mean something. Don’t say someone is “seeing red”; show the character being angry. This is one of the reasons the Destroyer series is so good: even though the books are short and fun, the writers always gave the books their best work. The series wouldn’t have gotten to 150 books if the books were consistently half-assed. It’s important to give every book your full and undivided attention — readers will know if you don’t. 



Anything else on your mind?

I am actively looking for new writers and new books — particularly in the action-adventure field. There have been some good action books lately — the Jack Reacher series and the Bourne series come to mind — but these are long books. I think the Destroyer series was successful because the books were short. Especially now that everyone has smartphones and other constant distractions, I think shorter books are going to make a comeback. Not everyone has three weeks to invest in reading a 600+ page novel, but a lot of people would like to read a book short enough that they can read it in a weekend. If you’d like to send in a submission or a proposal, please do so — DestroyerBooks at gmail.com. (The email address isn’t hyperlinked in order to cut down on spam). And please get the word out — if you know someone who is looking to get a book published, tell them to email me! 





If you'd like to share your reading preferences, email Troglodad AT Gmail DOT COM for a set of questions or make your based on what you see above.